car's Journal

(Latest 15 entries) (Calendar) (Friends) (User info)

Saturday, August 21, 2004

Wednesday, August 20, 2003

9:03PM

you know what i hate when people tell you what you do and don't understand. i hate always looking like a fucking bitch because i tell people what they don't want to hear because they need to fucking hear it. but then i am the bitch because they flipped and took all their shit out on me so told them what i thought. everytime i fucking do something it blows up in my fucking face and i am so tired of that. people think that just because i don't show it that my life is so fucking easy and that i don't have problems so i could never fucking understand what they were talking about. i fucking hate people. everyone that's ever told me i don't understand can fucking rot in hell and burn on a damn stick. just because i don't fucking cry to people about my problems or make it obvious that something is wrong i suddenly have the perfect life. people look for an excuse to deal with their problems the way that they do and that is such bullshit. oh i'm so depressed so what if i just walk around telling everbody so that i can get attention. or how about i make up some shit so that i can feel sorry for myself and people will feel bad for me and pity me. god fuck that shit. that's so fucking stupid. it's like they do shit on purpose so that people will be like oh shit man that kid's crazy. FUCK!

Current mood: pissed off

Current music: at the drive in

(comment on this)

11:56AM - uuuugggghhhh

last night was definently interesting. i went to my friend's house and we were watching movies and i was suppost to be home around 1 or 2 and we both ended up falling asleep and then at about 4:15 i woke up and just sat there and said shit for about 5 minutes. why we passed out i am not free to speak about with the people present in this room. no it's not that either!! now i may not be able to go out tonight which will suck and i will be pissed because i might be going out with travis tonight. dammit that is really gonna piss me off if i can't go out tonight. with my luck it will beause shit like that always happens to me. fuck.

Current mood: crappy

Current music: the mars volta

(comment on this)

Monday, August 18, 2003

10:43AM - hey i'm in tx

yea i flew to texas on saturday and went to my dad's party. hahaha he was so shit faced by the end of the night it was pretty funny. wish i would have gotten pictures though. i met a pretty cool guy named travis and he said that alot of local bandsand such are gonna playing soon so i'm keepin my finger's crossed. i wanna go see some if i can. i am mad that school is gonna start again soon. no fun, no fun at all. :( well i am gonna get a shower. l8er.

Current mood: happy

(comment on this)

Friday, May 23, 2003

8:57PM - SLEEP

man i am so tired. i am suppost to go to a party tomorrow night and i dunno how i am gonna make it through the night. my blue is coming out of my hair but i am far to lazy to redye it at the moment. well i have to flee.

Current mood: tired

(comment on this)

Saturday, May 17, 2003

10:35AM - blah

i'm tired and i am already awake at 10:30 in the morning. jen i must say you did look rather stunning for the prom. the show is tonight. woo hoo. jen i think i am gonna have to let you do my hair one of these days because you are the hair bitch. lol. well i need food.

Current mood: excited

(comment on this)

Friday, April 25, 2003

2:45AM - blah

hey i am at pat's aunt's house just hanging out. i hate flying on planes sooo much!! i wanted to smack the people in the airport in the face because they aggervated me. it's like 3 am and i have jet lag man. i am all uuuhhhh. lol. well i'm gonna go eat pudding.

Current mood: relaxed

(comment on this)

Monday, April 21, 2003

10:20PM - i hate the world

i am so mad. i brake up with pat and all is well. then another guy asks me out. so i say as long as it's not serious. but now he wants to go out with me adn not tell anybody. what the hell??? i like him but i don't feel like there's anything wrong with me so why should i be kept a secret? it's like just because i don't sleep with half the footbal team his friends won't accept me. i don't know what to do anymore. pat get's out thursday and i don't know what's gonna happen. gggggrrrrrr!!! well i am gonna go get drunk now.

Current mood: depressed

(comment on this)

Tuesday, March 18, 2003

5:36PM - yea pat had court today

hey i went to court with pat this morning and he got 2 months in orange county jail so i am all blah now. and his brother got 3 months so his mom is all upset. i am so fucking pissed because i couldn't even go see him when we went to the jail because i didn't have my fucking birth certificate with me!!!! those fucking assholes man. well i'll se you guys tomorrow in school

Current mood: restless

(comment on this)

Friday, March 14, 2003

10:21PM - it's 1:30 and i am wide awake

hey i am at pat's house. i am so tired of the year book. it's still isn't done....dammit. i have a bowling banquet tomorrow and my great grandma is turning 92 on sunday. i probably won't see you guys tuesday because pat has court so chris go talk to britta in lunch so she's not lonely. :-) well i am going to go see ya'll later. lol

Current mood: awake

(comment on this)

Thursday, March 13, 2003

3:29PM - .....

yea i am not sure what to feel right now....i wanna be alone but i have knowhere to go where i can just think by myself and that sux. i just need space from people. next week i am going to be pissed at the world because pat is going away tuesday or sometime soon after that. i don't know like i feel like i don't have a connection with alot of people that i thought i did. i don't know why though. i feel so isolated but i kinda think it's a good thing right now because i don't want to take my shit out on other people. at school and when i am out with my friend's i always act all happy and cheerful but i just want to scream as loud as i can and tell everybody to fuck off. i don't know.

Current mood: weird

(1 comment | comment on this)

Wednesday, March 12, 2003

5:48PM - this week keeps getting worse

pat wrote me an e-mail and he said that he is probably going to go away for a year. i don't want this on top of all the other shit that is going on right now. life sux. i am so tired of everything right now and when people try and talk to me about things i don't even want to listen to what they have to say. i am so down on myself right now. i mean yea i have been depressed before but i am making everything out to be my fault and i can't stand myself anymore. i don't even want to see myself because i feel like shit about my life. i don't know what the fuck to do anymore. everything is going downhill. something bad happens and you don't think that it can get any worse and then out of knowhere life knocks you on your ass and spits in your face.

Current mood: depressed

(1 comment | comment on this)

4:58AM - hey guys

hey what's up? i am at rich's house probably the only good thing about today. he is either mad or tired. i don't know yet. we had to sit on the bus and listen to fucking rap music because the stupid fucking middle schoolers were on the bus and me and rich wanted to hurt them really really bad. they were really fucking annoying!!! i had a shitty night sunday because my brother made me feel like i was the biggest peice of shit and that made me think about alot of stuff and then i got all depressed. this week really really blows nuts so far. i am all sick and depressed at the same time and it's totally draining me of all of my energy. i have been going to sleep at like 7:30 every night. well i am going to go and i will try to write ad explain more later.

Current mood: drained

(1 comment | comment on this)

Saturday, March 8, 2003

6:01PM - i am with pat!! yay!!!

hey jen i love you and you know you can always talk to me if you need to!!! if you need anything call (845)-534-2430. everybody here misses you and they keep asking when you are gonna come down again. lol. little miss popular. lol. just kidding. i think your hair look really good like that. some kids from the school are having a show at the comfort inn on march 21 i think mike gave you the flyer so i guess i'll talk to you about it monday! i lost chris's name for this so can you e-mail it to me please? well i gotta go loves ya!

Current mood: happy

(1 comment | comment on this)

Wednesday, March 5, 2003

5:16AM - i am at rich's house

yea today is fun because i am at rich's house. me and jen had a really crazy fucking weekend!!! wow. rich is being all funny. lol. well yes i must leave and venture downstairs to do whatever we are going to do. bye bye

Current mood: amused

(comment on this)